i know, i’m lame in the 11t.
but, i will make time this afternoon for a post … and promise to make up for the slackery with loads of white lies and other happy words of exaggeration.
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hell, this April Foolery stuff should be shared ~
HIGH SCHOOL MOUNTAIN BIKE LEAGUE GETS SUED OVER CAFFEINE BAN FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Tuesday, April 1, 2008 Contact: Matt Fritzinger firstname.lastname@example.org (510) 653-2453 www.norcalmtb.org HIGH SCHOOL MOUNTAIN BIKE LEAGUE GETS SUED OVER CAFFEINE BAN Only two months after releasing their 2008 rule book, which includes a ban on caffeine for their young athletes, the NorCal High School Mountain Bike Racing League is being sued for enforcing the controversial rule. Kyle Wright, of Americano High School, received the penalty after the head coach of the El Cerrito High School team made the startling discovery. “His bike was leaning against mine, and I needed to move it. I grabbed Kyle’s bike along the top tube, and it burned my hand. It was a warm day, but his bike was boiling hot!” Coach Jeremiah Holland reported the abnormally hot bike to the League Director, Matt Fritzinger. Fritzinger reported, “Coach Holland called me over to the pit zone on the radio, showed me the welt on his hand and pointed to the Gary Fisher Hi-Fi. I was explaining what an awesome bike the Hi-Fi is – I own one, myself – when I noticed some unusual wiring, and a valve on the seat tube. Coffee came pouring out onto the ground when I twisted the lever. It smelled delicious.” What Fritzinger discovered was that Kyle’s bike had a fully integrated coffee-making device. It was powered by a generator in the hub, stored hot water in the tubes of the frame, and filtered the coffee in what looked like a rear suspension unit. Fritzinger soon found a cup and confirmed his suspicion. “I was amazed by the sophistication of it: the smooth texture and balance, somewhat darker than traditional Italian espresso blends, and we discovered his portable pump was converted to a milk steamer.” After a thorough investigation it was discovered Kyle was selling coffee drinks, including lattes and machiados on the back side of the course. “He was out there making a mockery of our new rule, so we doubled the penalty to ten minutes. Kyle was already in last place, but we needed to make our message loud and clear.” The discovery of Kyle’s espresso machine on wheels was quite a jolt to the director, as the caffeine rule was having a noticeable impact. “At the season opener we did our first pocket checks. We discovered only one rider with caffeinated energy gel," said Fritzinger. The rider seemed genuinely surprised that his “plain flavor” gel had caffeine. “It was a learning experience for the rider, and the League,” reported Fritzinger. The League issued a warning to the offending rider. “Our best indicators are wrappers dropped on the course. We watched the amount of caffeinated products plummet from 20% to 0% by the second race,” Fritzinger asserted. As the League approaches the fourth race, officials’ eyes are peeled for more than just caffeinated energy gels. Meanwhile, Kyle has hired Morris Sumy to help with his appeal. "We all know it's fun to mountain bike race, even when you take last place, but the League has overstepped its own rules. The NorCal League does not own fun." stated Sumy. The Nor Cal High School Mountain Bike League is a non-profit organization open to students from both public and private schools. The League exists because of generous donors and sponsors such as Clif Bar, Inc., CamelBak, Fox Racing Shox, Trek Bicycles, Ritchey Bicycle Components, Creation Engine, Galaxy Granola, Mike’s Bikes, The Pedaler, Paradigm Cycles, HappyGoFun, REI, Mountain Hardwear, WTB, Tecnu Extreme, Vanderkitten, Whole Athlete, Maxxis, BTC, Dream Works, and NCNCA. The League provides coaching and camaraderie to help students achieve both competitive and non-competitive cross-country mountain biking goals in a safe and enjoyable manner. Each season includes a Coaches Training Conference, winter riding camps, the six-race series, and a variety of summer camps. For more information visit www.norcalmtb.org or call (510) 653-2453.
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