• slackadazical blues

    by  • April 1, 2008 • norcal scene • 2 Comments

    mysuck.jpgIf you’re not receiving a reply from me …

    here’s why.

    i know, i’m lame in the 11t.

    but, i will make time this afternoon for a post … and promise to make up for the slackery with loads of white lies and other happy words of exaggeration.

    – – – – –


    hell, this April Foolery stuff should be shared ~

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Tuesday, April 1, 2008 
    Contact: Matt Fritzinger fritz@norcalmtb.og (510) 653-2453 
    Only two months after releasing their 2008 rule book, which includes a ban 
    on caffeine for their young athletes, the NorCal High School Mountain Bike 
    Racing League is being sued for enforcing the controversial rule. 
    Kyle Wright, of Americano High School, received the penalty after the head 
    coach of the El Cerrito High School team made the startling discovery. 
    “His bike was leaning against mine, and I needed to move it. I grabbed 
    Kyle’s bike along the top tube, and it burned my hand.  It was a warm day, 
    but his bike was boiling hot!”  Coach Jeremiah Holland reported the 
    abnormally hot bike to the League Director, Matt Fritzinger. 
    Fritzinger reported, “Coach Holland called me over to the pit zone on the 
    radio, showed me the welt on his hand and pointed to the Gary Fisher Hi-Fi. 
     I was explaining what an awesome bike the Hi-Fi is – I own one, myself – 
    when I noticed some unusual wiring, and a valve on the seat tube.  Coffee 
    came pouring out onto the ground when I twisted the lever. It smelled 
    What Fritzinger discovered was that Kyle’s bike had a fully integrated 
    coffee-making device.  It was powered by a generator in the hub, stored hot 
    water in the tubes of the frame, and filtered the coffee in what looked 
    like a rear suspension unit.  Fritzinger soon found a cup and confirmed his 
    suspicion.  “I was amazed by the sophistication of it: the smooth texture 
    and balance, somewhat darker than traditional Italian espresso blends, and 
    we discovered his portable pump was converted to a milk steamer.” 
    After a thorough investigation it was discovered Kyle was selling coffee 
    drinks, including lattes and machiados on the back side of the course.  “He 
    was out there making a mockery of our new rule, so we doubled the penalty 
    to ten minutes.  Kyle was already in last place, but we needed to make our 
    message loud and clear.”   
    The discovery of Kyle’s espresso machine on wheels was quite a jolt to the 
    director, as the caffeine rule was having a noticeable impact. “At the 
    season opener we did our first pocket checks.  We discovered only one rider 
    with caffeinated energy gel," said Fritzinger.  The rider seemed genuinely 
    surprised that his “plain flavor” gel had caffeine.  “It was a learning 
    experience for the rider, and the League,” reported Fritzinger.  The League 
    issued a warning to the offending rider.  “Our best indicators are wrappers 
    dropped on the course.  We watched the amount of caffeinated products 
    plummet from 20% to 0% by the second race,” Fritzinger asserted. 
    As the League approaches the fourth race, officials’ eyes are peeled for 
    more than just caffeinated energy gels.  Meanwhile, Kyle has hired Morris 
    Sumy to help with his appeal.  "We all know it's fun to mountain bike race, 
    even when you take last place, but the League has overstepped its own 
    rules.  The NorCal League does not own fun." stated Sumy.  
    The Nor Cal High School Mountain Bike League is a non-profit organization 
    open to students from both public and private schools. The League exists 
    because of generous donors and sponsors such as Clif Bar, Inc., CamelBak, 
    Fox Racing Shox, Trek Bicycles, Ritchey Bicycle Components, Creation 
    Engine, Galaxy Granola, Mike’s Bikes, The Pedaler, Paradigm Cycles, 
    HappyGoFun, REI, Mountain Hardwear, WTB, Tecnu Extreme, Vanderkitten, Whole 
    Athlete, Maxxis, BTC, Dream Works, and NCNCA. The League provides coaching 
    and camaraderie to help students achieve both competitive and 
    non-competitive cross-country mountain biking goals in a safe and enjoyable 
    manner. Each season includes a Coaches Training Conference, winter riding 
    camps, the six-race series, and a variety of summer camps. For more 
    information visit www.norcalmtb.org or call (510) 653-2453.



    Powered by Facebook Comments


    2 Responses to slackadazical blues

    1. April 1, 2008 at

      Excuses, excuses…

    2. the joker
      April 1, 2008 at

      your riding is an exaggeration

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *