Rock Lobster Announces Factory Team
August 28, 2013
SANTA CRUZ, CA—Lobster World Headquarters—
Paul Sadoff emerges from behind his welding mask and exclaims, “I see the tunnel at the end of the light!”
That’s right, cross season is a mere two weeks out—just in time for Rock Lobster Cyclocross to proudly announce its 2013 band of fuzzy legged miscreants. The eight riders on the factory squad will carry the sea foam green flag into the tunnel of torment each and every week, for the next six months—bring on the barriers!
Sadoff is psyched on this year’s squad.
“Put some A-1 sauce on our roster,” said Sadoff. “And let’s call it a steak burger!”
The Offensive Lineup
Despite an uncharacteristic smooth baby face throughout June and July, Scott Chapin’s beard is bushier by the day and should be in fine form for the opening CCCX race of the season. Mothers hide your flyovers, Brian Wilson’s stunt double is back.
Aaron Bradford (the B is silent) trades in his fanny pack and full suspension mountain bike for a skin suit and a single speed. Off-season highlights included beating a bunch of Red Bull-helmeted Euros at the Enduro World Series in Colorado. EUROS.
Does your team have a drummer that puts John Bonham to shame? Of course not, because Led Zeppelin didn’t drink Muscle Milk, and neither does Alex Work.
Kevin Noiles—He’s very Canadian and very fast. Brought him on the squad for podiums and because he presumably knows how to whip up a plate of poutine—the recovery meal of champions.
Andrew Juiliano—aka monkey boy—returns for a second season with more refined cyclocross smarts—like embrocation is not chamois butter.
Ellen Sherrill received an all expense paid trip to China’s first ever UCI CX event, and now she needs to learn Mandarin (? ? = Lobster, ?? = Beer).
For the first time, Katie Jay Melena decided to ride her bike all year. In 2012, her vigorous couch-sitting offseason still landed her on the podium at Nationals in Wisconsin.
Courtney McFadden is the newest member of the team and crams 95 UCI points worth of crushing into a size small skin suit.
The World is Our Lobster Shell
Rock Lobster Factory brings infinite jest and most excellent fancy to local series’ across Northern California including: CCCX, Surf City, Santa Rosa Cup and Murphy Mack’s Nor Cal Cyclocross Series. The team also plans brave the syringes and broken glass at Candle Stick Point for a Bay Area Super Prestige race.
McFadden and Noiles will represent in the Pacific Northwest racing the MFG Series in Seattle as well as wage a holy Lobster War at the Cross Crusade.
Though much of the budget goes toward looking super cool in spandex, the factory squad still plans to attend UCI races that can be reached with three tanks of gas and a 30 rack of Miller High Life. Expect at least one Lobster at: Star Crossed, Cross Vegas, Spooky Cross, CXLA, The Boulder Cup, BC Grand Prix of CX and The Deschutes Brewery Cup. Sherrill will travel solo to China for the country’s first UCI cyclocross race. (?!= sweet!)
The season culminates with a trip to Nationals in Boulder, Colorado—where neither the bars, bike park, bowling alley nor race-course are safe from the Rock Lobster Steak Burger.
Thanks to the companies making this season possible: Bicycle Blue Book, Jeff Traugott Guitars, HRS, Easton Cycling, CX Nation, Chris King, Paul Components, Knog, Pasta Etc., Mavic, Bob’s Red Mill, Fit Yu, Buckler Embrocation, Pro Gold Lubricants, and Bay 101 Casino.
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