Michael, i have been meaning to message you about the emergence on the NorCal Cycling Scene of a young Australian farm boy named OskaYono.
Oskayono, the son of a mulleted Latvian turnip farmer and Walkabout Aboriginal Mother, migrated to Silicon Valley from Australia at the turn of the century after terrible floods destroyed his family’s turnip growing business.Separated from his loving family, a young Oskayono would find happiness whilst riding his bicycle from Half Moon Bay to school in Santa Cruz with his childhood friends Cilly Brane and Mand Riller. Oh how they would ride and laugh gaily as they pedalled their way over renowned riding routes such as Tunitas Creek Climb and Highway 9, carrying only their schoolbooks and their pane e prosciutto in their front basket.
Oskayono would sometimes be subject to taunts, for he did not know that the shift lever on his Suntour Superbe 6sp would enable him to change into the little ring, and so he often set about these difficult routes a little off the back of his compatriots, his fragile upperbody weaving side to side while up ahead Cilly and Mand danced upon their shiny Campagnolo Super Record equipped carbon bikes. “Hahaha, il piccolo bagno sempre staccato!!! (The small Toilet is always dropped)” they would laugh, knowing full well that had Oskayono indeed been riding similar steeds to their own, in an identical gear, his abilities would be comparable if not superior.
One day whilst riding, Cilly and Band were recruited by the almighty Vebcor Alto Welo Pro 1,2,3,4,5 squad as they powered their shiny future bikes along Corte de la Skyline Boulevard. Despite his propensity for suffering on a bicycle, his yet undiscovered reserves of strength, and innate cunning and intuition that made him the (undiscovered) consumate bicycle corridori, Oskayono was at first overlooked for this graduation to the Pro 184.108.40.206.5 racing ranks.Undeterred, whilst Mand and Cilly prepare themselves for the pinnacle of cycling events, races like the Ronde Van Merco and Milan-San Snelling, OskaYono has decideded to embark upon a gruelling schedule of local events beginning with this weekend’s lowly ranked Cherry Pie Criterium.
Oskayono’s lifelong dream is to race against his childhood hero- the enigmatic Latin rider Michael Hernandez (Translated: Voice to cause a thousand hurricanes), who with his flowing locks, sinewy legs and deceptively dainty pedalling style make him a household name amongst cycling fanatic Latvian Turnip Farmers.
Even though Hernandez has wearied and pace slowed with great age- is there a possibility of him racing the gruelling Under 35 Category (the bristling breeding ground of talented future Norcal Masters Champions) at Cherry Pie, and bringing a smile back to the tormented and haunted face of OskaYono?