NorCal Cycling News – Cycling and Racing in Northern California

Kind of like boxing’s Marquess of Queensberry Rules, but more about making sure nobody gets arrested.

1. No touching riders actively racing

2. No throwing, spitting, or discharging objects from a device at riders.  Even if you know them.

3. Heckling insults should rely on wit rather than obscenity, replies will reflect the original statement.

4. Foul language is permitted as long as there are no children within an acceptable distance. Acceptable distance will be defined as the length of the biggest hill in the race since it is a well known fact that sound travels down hill.

5. Hand ups are permitted as long as a person’s body remains behind the course tape

6. Acceptable handups include: Beer in cans, paper money in denominations of $1 and higher, pizza or other awesome type of food like donuts, beer in plastic cups.

7. Unacceptable handups include: Beer in bottles, canadian paper money, slimy food like baloney, and weather inappropriate items such as Hot Chocolate on a hot day.

8. Spraying riders with beer or other liquid is acceptable only if the promoter has designated a portion of the course as a “spray zone.”

9. Heckling shall be confined to portions of the course a rider is most likely to wipe out and suffer further humiliation.

10. Acceptable Locations include run ups, steep inclines, difficult barriers, mud pits, sand pits, or high speed down hill turns.

11. A rider hopelessly out of contention and suffering shall be heckled excessively, and offered double beer, but no cash.

12. Costumed hecklers will be given priority placement along the course tape.

13. Excessively drunk obnoxious hecklers will leave the venue upon first request.

14. Heckling requires a minimum group of three persons.  A group of less than three hecklers will be considered lame losers and risk being heckled by riders for their lamosity. Solo hecklers armed with megaphones shall not require teams. This is applicable to and shall include all foreigners, and even Canadians (THE ALTI AMENDMENT)

15. Priority heckling position will be given to those with voice or noise amplifying instruments such as air horns or electronically powered megaphones.

16. The Stevil Compromise: Onsite amendments are deferred to Stevil or other riders called Stevie.  To learn more about Stevil go to to allhailtheblackmarket.com.  He will most likely approve or deny anything, he hates rules but loves loud and drunk.

17. Unicorn Rule: All rules are null and void if a unicorn with a rainbow tail shows up.  (THE INNES TANAKA COMPROMISE)

18. Foreigner Rule: All foreigners are exempt from rules because “they just do not understand.” (THE YUKIE/JONO APPEASEMENT)